I'm Shocked

“The real voyage of discovery is not in discovering new lands, but in seeing with new eyes.” -- Marcel Proust

I’m currently reading The Poisonwood Bible. Though this book takes place in the Congo, this excerpt is very telling of the situation I see in Ghana:

“Since friends of my own age and gender were not available, the girls of Kilanga all being too busy hauling firewood, water, or babies. It did cross my mind to wonder why Pascal had the freedom to play and roam that his sisters didn’t. While the little boys ran around pretending to shoot each other and fall dead in the road, it appeared that little girls were running the country.”

I miss the company of women. The majority of my socializing here has been with men, which seems to be getting tricky. You would think that as a young, single woman, I would love the attention and company of men. Well, it’s not that simple. Sure, it’s nice to have made some friends, but it’s getting complicated and I fear that some of these men may be getting the wrong idea and their feelings may be developing beyond friendship. Unfortunately, I don’t have many other options for people to talk to besides these guys I see in the staff room. The female staff members are very rarely in the staff room or seen anywhere around campus. They are often at home cooking or cleaning, or traveling to see their families that do not live with them here on campus. So it’s either hole up alone in my room or talk to some dudes. I’m just going to have to lay down the law and firmly articulate some clear boundaries. My fellow teacher friends from America here in Africa are far far away and getting to any of them is quite a journey, so unfortunately, the option of visiting them is only feasible occasionally.

Leisure activities are essentially non-existent in many people’s lives it seems. Instead, life revolves around basic requirements for survival. Of course I am perfectly capable of cleaning and cooking, and I will do what I need to get by. But there is so much more to me than just my housekeeping abilities. My roommate is female, yes, but her husband is here as well, and her attention is devoted to cooking for him each evening. This way of life is so deeply engrained in these women’s minds. Saturday morning several female students showed up at my house to clean the entire place, wash my clothes, and then prepare me lunch at my roommate’s request, and this happens every week. Very few read for pleasure or enjoy hobbies of any sort or simply enjoy the company of friends with a glass of wine. Men do this, yes, but women are too busy “running the country “ like was stated in the book. As a very dynamic individual, I am finding it very stifling to be living in such a static world.

I keep looking up “culture shock” and “homesickness” online to validate that I am not crazy or a complete crybaby. According to the internet and hundreds of other world explorers, I’m neither of those things, and supposedly in a month or so I will feel better. I’m just in this really horrible place right now in my mind. I keep longing to not be here. Every day I’m thinking about my friends and family in other places and feeling an actual physical ache. This is the sort of thing I’ve been dreaming of doing for years and now that I have it, I don’t know if I want it :/ I just want to sleep….