My mind is not in Africa right now. Yesterday’s incident clearly proves this.
I put some popcorn on the fire (as Ghanaians say it) and walked to my
room. While in my room, my friend
Tiffany called and I chatted with her for a while. Then I quickly called my mother. All the while, I’m smelling something burning. It’s Ghana, I just figured someone was
burning trash, because that is what they do here. As I was chatting with my mother, another teacher, Mary,
came to my window and asked what was wrong. I noticed the entire house filled with smoke and immediately
remembered the popcorn! Doh! People flocked the house. My roommate called. The fire service was even called. Thankfully it was just a pot of
popcorn. Everyone thought the
house was on fire, and if I saw a bunch of smoke coming out of a house, I
probably would have thought the same thing. My ADD is in severe overdrive these days. I’m reading four different books. Considering starting a fifth
today. I’m so easily distracted
lately that I almost burnt my own house down. Time to get it together Amy!
So generally, when I make decisions, I think about my 90-year old
self. When considering an option,
I think, as my 90-year old self, will I look back and wish I had done that
differently? I’m not one to go
fretting about regrets in my life.
I truly believe that every person and experience is an opportunity for
learning. Still nonetheless, I
don’t want to feel like I missed anything. On that note, I have decided to return to the states a bit
earlier than originally planned.
Just a month ahead of schedule.
By mid-May, which is my new departure date, my job responsibilities will
be complete. All of my workshops
will be done and I’m not teaching a class this semester. (Helping kids draw posters doesn’t
really count as teaching in my mind.)
Considering that, as of late, this is a typical day for me, I won't be missing a darn thing by leaving a mere four weeks early.
Part of me has questioned if I'm punkin out early. If I would have left five months ago when I was in the midst of deep frustration, then I would have been a punk. Now I think I'm just making a smart decision. I went back and forth with this
decision over the weekend, but each time in the last few days that I have returned
to my room, alone, and laid here watching another DVD in solitude, has verified
that I am making the right decision. At this stage in the game here, I’m definitely in the mindset of,
“what’s next?” I believe I have
fulfilled my Eat, Pray, Love–find-myself
mission. In fact, considering the
amount of time that I have spent with myself, I know all there is to know about
Amy T. Might I add, I think
I’m pretty awesome. lol And anyways, the last portion of her journey in Eat, Pray, Love was about finding love. Maybe I
can take care of that one on my home turf. I have always felt torn between two
mindsets. One, being close to
friends and family and enjoying the city life. Two, this perpetual wanderlust that consumes my
thoughts. This experience has
simply fueled the fire of desire I have for traveling. If only we were each granted two
simultaneous lives. Then such
conflict could be avoided. To
leave here will be very bittersweet.
Though this journey has been filled with challenges and frustrations, it
has also been amazing and spectacular.
Saying goodbye will not be easy, because more likely than not, this is a
forever goodbye.
During my time here in Africa, I have seen and done a thousand things
that most people I know will never experience. The people here have been exceptionally kind, understanding,
and welcoming. However, nourishing
my own mental health is an important exercise. Right now, being here alone is not good for me. My father is not well. He’s my dad, my favorite guy in the whole
world, and I love him beyond words.
To know he is suffering makes me suffer and I want to be closer to him,
if for no other reason than to give him a hug and tell him I love him in
person. This is the sort of
decision that I know will please my 90-year old self. I’ve lived Africa.
I really did this. But
there are times when being close to family trumps all else.
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